American Cinema's Best Fart Scenes on DVD!
What would the movie going experience be without the occasional passing of gas – not on account of the bucket of butter-drenched popcorn, of course, but from the bloated characters on the big screen?
Gratuitous sex scenes, mutant fish monsters run amok, knife fights atop wobbly scaffolds – no one would deny these are requisite tropes for the contemporary classic. Same goes for an atmospheric ass-blow to ease comic relief into any narrative, whether for a romance-comedy, Victorian melodrama, or a four-hour documentary on Hungarian cabinetmaking.
And it’s about time we celebrate the finest of these farts.
But before reading the top 20 list below, take note of the criteria. First, only movies on DVD were considered. Sure, the Ex-Lax orgy from Hamburger: The Motion Picture should have made the cut, but, unfortunately, some titles haven’t yet converted to the proper format. And let’s face it: watching a fart on VHS ain’t what it used to be.
These days a fart scene isn’t a fart scene if you can’t capture its culprit on a clean freeze-frame. Plus, some of the best are featured in some of the worst movies, and fast-forwarding is outright exhausting. So thank you, Mr. DVD, for your “scene selection” option.
Second, foreign films do not count. Perhaps as a nation we pride ourselves on lowbrow humor, or maybe we just eat too damn much, but, historically speaking, the fart scene would not exist had it not been for American film. Writer/director Mel Brooks opened the door to this brand of humor with his western spoof Blazing Saddles, and, subsequently, the fart has appeared in myriad filmic settings around the globe: the dinner table, the bathroom, the office, locker rooms, outhouses, the elevator, even during a musical number.
You name it, a movie character farted there.
Yet quite a bit of shelf life still remains for the fart scene. No one has yet come out with a zany yoga academy movie, where the chubby chick in class lets one during the wind-removing pose. Howard Stern fans still long for his eternally delayed action-comedy based on his superhero, Fartman.
The opportunities to inject a big ol’ nasty rip are endless, but only so many are executed with the comic timing and within the proper context to merit it a Top Fart. Consider the list below a guiding light for those screenwriters who want to keep the cinema stinky, and for those fart fanatics who love to smell them.
20. Wildcats (1986) – A half-naked Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson can’t overshadow this tight rip across one of the locker room benches.
Who smelt it? Coach McGrath (Goldie Hawn) as well as the entire varsity football team.
Who dealt it? Grunt lineman John Cerulo is not only popular for arbitrarily ramming his noggin into lockers, but also his charming flatulence.
Was it something he/she ate? Who knows what this roughneck stuffed in his cakehole in between sixth and seventh period?
19. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999) – Pod racers aren’t the only things emitting exhaust on this desert planet.
Who smelt it? Jar Jar.
Who dealt it? The gender is uncertain, the species unknown. Even more confusing is which end the toot came from.
Was it something he/she ate? Judging by its potency, has to be the batteries from Anakin’s light saber.
18. Detroit Rock City (1999) – The quintessential cheerleader-in-a-bathroom-stall scene.
Who smelt it? Lex, Trip, and Hawk.
Who dealt it? Sherry Vanhoften.
Was it something he/she ate? Your typical high school cafeteria fare.
17. Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978) – In the final installment of the Peter Seller’s gumshoe franchise, most of the jokes are pretty paper thin … until the air gets thicker in a Hong Kong elevator.
Who smelt it? A young Robert Loggia and a couple wise guys.
Who dealt it? Inspector Closeau, incognito.
Was it something he/she ate? Naw. Scientists have recently discovered that many cope with claustrophobia through clenching of the cheeks.
16. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) – A bouncy one inside the International Man of Mystery’s swanky penthouse.
Who smelt it? The very sexy Felicity Shagwell.
Who dealt it? The Scotsman who engrained the term “turtlehead” into popular consciousness – that’s right – Fat Bastard himself.
Was it something he/she ate? Candy bars and chicken legs are the only items the walking butterball ingested on-screen, though he has quite the hankering for the other other white meat … babies.
15. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) – Everybody knows fast food makes chicks fart.
Who smelt it? Justice, Sissy, and Missy.
Who dealt it? Chrissy.
Was it something he/she ate? A Mooby burger if memory serves.
14. Click (2006) – Office politics have never reeked so badly.
Who smelt it? Mr. Ammer (David Hasselhoff), who didn’t see it coming.
Who dealt it? Michael Newman (Adam Sandler) uses his “universal remote” to whoopee-cushion directly into the boss’s mouth for 10 seconds.
Was it something he/she ate? Ammer seems to think so. “Stacy?” he asks his assistant. “Did you put shit in my lunch?”
13. Spawn (1997) – Global warming’s got nothin’ on this clown’s greenhouse gases.
Who smelt it? Spawn.
Who dealt it? They call him The Violator.
Was it something he/she ate? Garbage and maggots, apparently both high in fiber.
12. Half Baked (1998) – Some farts really do kill.
Who smelt it? Everyone’s favorite kindergarten teacher, Kenny.
Who dealt it? The diabetic Buttercup, who afterward suffers a fatal stroke.
Was it something he/she ate? No thanks to Kenny, the gang’s entire stash of munchies: sour cream and onion chips with dip, beef jerky, peanut butter, Haagen-Dazs ice cream bars, popcorn, s’mores, celery, grape jelly, Cap’n Crunch, two large pizzas, whole lotta water, and Funyuns.
11. History of the World, Part 1 (1981) – Why the History Channel doesn’t broadcast Mel Brooks’ interpretation of Julius Caesar is a mystery.
Who smelt it? The main room at Caesar’s Palace.
Who dealt it? The Roman ruler was played by Brooks’ portly muse Dom DeLuise.
Was it something he/she ate? Fatso snacks on grapes, scratches his crotch, and bathes in treasure before committing the vulgar act.
10. National Lampoon’s Van Wilder (2002) – Our titular hero’s arch nemesis squeezed some rank cheese during an exam.
Who smelt it? The entire classroom, followed by five doctors from Northwestern.
Who dealt it? Frat boy douchebag, Richard Bagg.
Was it something he/she ate? A chocolate-flavored power shake spiked with Colon Blow.
9. Polyester (1981) – At the time of release, director John Waters provided theaters with “Odorama” scratch-n-sniff cards to accompany this dastardly Dutch oven.
Who smelt it? Francine Fishpaw.
Who dealt it? Her husband, Elmer.
Was it something he/she ate? Dinner was a little on the starchy side.
8. Grandma’s Boy (2006)
Who smelt it? Kane, Dante, Samantha, Alex.
Who dealt it? The first ever Zimbabwean drug dealer on film, Dr. Shakalu.
Was it something he/she ate? “My beef strong!”
7. Can’t Buy Me Love (1987) – Every party animal has a special talent. Some perform back flips and play the bass. Others belch through their anus.
Who smelt it? Chuckie Miller (played by a 13-year old Seth Green).
Who dealt it? Big John (80s fave Eric Bruskotter)
Was it something he/she ate? The meathead loves his canned brew.
6. Mystery Men (1999) – Evil henchmen get crop-dusted to the max.
Who smelt it? Random goons.
Who dealt it? The Spleen (Paul Reubens), taking “pull my finger” to a whole new level.
Was it something he/she ate? The superhero somehow lost his special gas powers, only to regain them after taking a cap in the ass.
5. One Crazy Summer (1986) – A silent but deadly that scorched the beach sand brown. (Skip to the 1:45 mark.)
Who smelt it? A fat guy, buried to his neck in beach sand underneath a chase lounge.
Who dealt it? An even fatter guy, sitting on the chase lounge.
Was it something he/she ate? A hearty can of red bean chili.
4. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987) – One mutated Cabbage Patch doll returned vicious rapid fire to a restless runway crowd.
Who smelt it? A bunch of whitebreads at the shopping mall.
Who dealt it? Windy Winston.
Was it something he/she ate? To no surprise, Windy can fart on cue.
3. Blazing Saddles (1974) – The founding father to them all, writer/director Mel Brooks made film history with this infamous campfire scene.
Who smelt it? The bumbling idiot, Taggart.
Who dealt it? The bumbling idiot’s rag-tag crew.
Was it something he/she ate? The musical fruit.
2. South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999) – Speaking of musicals, this little diddy was harmonized by a pair of assholes. Literally.
Who smelt it? Canadians.
Who dealt it? The most talented Terrance and Philip.
Was it something he/she ate? Like any great bartender or magician, this Canadian pair wouldn’t dare give away their dietary secret.
1. Caddyshack (1980) – Rodney Dangerfield’s easygoing, self-deprecating style kept everyone rolling for decades – not because his land man Al Czervik cut a fart, but because he cut a fart in the main dining hall of a posh country club.
Who smelt it? His entourage inside Bushwood Estates.
Who dealt it? Czervik’s “Somebody step on a duck?” may be the best post-fart quip ever.
Was it something he/she ate? Low-grade dog food, according to the real estate mogul.
In case this research didn’t suffice, check out Sharting in the Movies …
